WEEK THREE and Juan Pablo's publicity scandal

Things heat up between Juan Pablo and Andi in the snack bar kitchen.

JA: Okay, so before we cover this week’s episode, we have to address the controversy that’s taken over El Bachelor. For those of you who don’t know, here’s a rundown, thanks to Sean Daly of The TV Page:

The former Venezuelan soccer star said Friday night that he would be 100 percent opposed to having a cycle of the reality dating show feature an openly gay or bisexual bachelor. “I don’t think it is a good example for kids to watch that on TV,” he told me while promoting the show at a network party in Pasadena, Calif.

“Obviously people have their husband and wife and kids and that is how we are brought up.  Now there is fathers having kids and all that, and it is hard for me to understand that too in the sense of a household having peoples… Two parents sleeping in the same bed and the kid going into bed… It is confusing in a sense.  But I respect them because they want to have kids.  They want to be parents.  So it is a scale… Where do you put it on the scale?  Where is the thin line to cross or not?  You have to respect everybody’s desires and way of living.  But it would be too hard for TV.”

Juan Pablo’s awkward — and somewhat unexpected — comments continued as he then accused gay people of being “more pervert in a sense.” The single dad — who has been known to ditch out on dates to spend time with 4 year-old daughter Camila — was careful to note that he has many gay friends and co-workers. But he still believes the show would be “too hard to watch” with a non-straight leading man or lady.

Juan Pablo later took to Facebook to apologize for his comments, saying, "What I meant to say was that gay people are more affectionate and intense and for a segment of the TV audience this would be too racy to accept."

I’m always a person who tries to give people the benefit of the doubt, or at least the benefit of having English as a second language. He might legitimately not understand how intense the word “pervert” is. And to be honest, I have no earthly clue what some of those comments even mean. “The kid going into bed”... huh?!? And exactly how many kids does Juan Pablo think are watching The Bachelor? In 2014, though, there’s really no excuse for this kind of crazy talk. Because a household with a husband and wife and kids is actually not how we ALL are brought up. For a good portion of my upbringing, I had a single mother. And some of us did actually grow up with gay parents. It’s not a new phenomenon. I’m happy he apologized, but it’s a terrible, incredibly clumsy apology. To call gay people “more affectionate and intense” and “too racy” is basically to call us all sluts. And what could be more intense than the crazy women they pump full of wine on this show? I mean, I could go on and on about this, but I’d love your thoughts, Fia.

SA: J, completely agree with you on all of the above. I actually had not read his apologize which I think is, in a way, more offensive than his original remarks. Both of which are major hate marks against this franchise, and not in the love to hate kind of way either. On a benefit of the doubt note, I think ESL plays a major role in this. Those statements are brimming with grammatical mistakes, most of which make absolutely no sense. So yes, I think JP definitely did not realize just how offensive, his admittedly offensive remarks would come across. My mother told me that in a gender class she teaches a girl from a latin american country (though not Venezuela) referred to a gay person as a pervert and they all had to correct her - so, hopefully, JP did not realize he was essentially equating being gay to being a child molester. That's how we take that word in the US, JP, take note.

None of this excuses behavior that is just flat out dumb and irresponsible. You're a public figure, JP, get it together. I don't attempt to assume other bachelor stars do not share such outdated views - after all, many of these people commonly post bible scripture on Instagram, but to say something like this publicly is a truly egregious.

To close I would like to correct the real reason why we could not have a gay or lesbian bachlor/ette and it has nothing to do with values. It's because the spine of the show would be broken. This show is built around what happens when you trap people in a house and see what happens when they all try and date the same person. Were the bachelor mansion to be full of gay men or lesbians - they could choose for themselves out of 25 potential mates whom they would like to get to know, no one would give a shit about whatever dweeb the bachelor/ette happened to be. It would be more like dating in the real world and the bachlor/ette would have significantly less power over the house. Duh. 

On to this week's ep - 

Watching the teaser for this episode, I couldn’t help but think about how much better The Bachelor is than The Bachelorette. Women are just better at this. Women guzzle wine and make great television. But Chris Harrison, what was that two-tone monstrosity of a shirt you were wearing? It’s like someone dipped you in bleach. Also, how have a dozen women gone home already? In just two episodes?

It's because the women overanalyze everything that happens, even when what's happening is very little whereas the men just go to the gym and spot one another.

And the first date card goes to Cassandra. I agree with you, Fia, that a two-year-old is really young to be left with his grandma for days and days on end. I’m gonna need her to stop saying she hasn’t been on a first date “since she was 18.” A) You’re 21. It’s not like you’re 30. B) There’s a pretty compelling reason you haven’t been doing a ton of dating. That reason is two years old and is staying in a hotel room in Santa Monica while you share a man with two dozen other women.

This date feels like statutory rape. Cassandra is SO YOUNG which we know because she keeps telling us her last first date was at 18 - so, your senior year of high school, Cassandra? PS - I watched with Tess and Liana and Tess kept saying she couldn't tell if Cassandra was just shy or dumb. Unfortunately, I think it's the later.

I’m all about this date. A nice adventure in a car version of that Duck Boat thing that all the midtown tourists like to ride. Making out in the marina. Making dinner with JP in his fabulous rental house. This is a pile of win in my book. Ooh, Fia: what do you wanna bet that Cassandra’s baby daddy is an NBA player? Did that cross your mind as you looked at those baby pictures? Also, did Juan Pablo seriously just ask if a two-year-old goes to school?

Josh, stop being racist. You only think Cassandra's baby daddy is an NBA player because that baby is obviously half black. And yes, I thought the exact same thing. Maybe that's why she's a former NBA dancer - relations between dancers and players are strictly forbidden you know.

And now here comes the most unimaginative and inevitable group date of all time. I’m surprised it took them THIS long to do a soccer group date. I love Sharleen saying how happy she was because it was her first time out of the house. At first I thought Sharleen was purposely getting herself injured during the game so that she could get pity (and the rose) after the game. But then I realized she was just totally sucky at soccer. Oh, yeah, and at kissing. WHAT WAS THAT? I’ve never seen a worse kiss. Ever. I’m not even sure I can talk about it. It was an abject failure on just about every possible level.

People keep hating on Sharleen but I LOVE her. I love how she always says exactly what I would say if I were on the bachelor, ie "I'm so happy I get to leave the house" and "It's hard to act normally with all these cameras everywhere." Some may say this makes her awkward, I think it makes her awesome. But yes, agreed, that kiss was...weird.

I thought the group date rose was definitely going to Andi - that kitchen make-out session was muy caliente. But then Nikki snagged it, after having done nothing to set her apart to those watching at home, proving she's one to watch. Early group date roses (when not given out of pity, ie last week) are very telling. 

Elise got totally snubbed this week. I feel like they’re making her the first villain of the season. The way she went after Chelsie was so weird. I loved it when she got called out on it, though. “Chelsie’s just, like, a girl, you know? She’s so young.” “I think she’s 25. How old are you?” “I’m 27.” Right. A world of difference. That was awesome.

This Chelsie date was yet another completely unimaginative heights-related date. I’m terrified of heights, but that segment went on for so long that I was ready to shove Chelsie off that bridge myself. And yet another private concert afterward. I had to Google this singer, Billy Currington, and apparently he’s a country artist who’s been around for a while. He’s also been arrested for elder abuse:

I was astounded that Chelsie knew all the words to that song. Also, I wish for once someone had actually not jumped during the obligatory fear of heights one-on-one and then we got to see the awkward, "you didn't jump" rest of the date. Would JP have given her the rose anyway to not look like a dick then gotten rid of her next week? I have no idea! I want to know! Thought it was gonna be you to break the mold Chelsie, but you disappointed me.

Okay, what is Clare’s problem? She needs to seriously manage her expectations. No one’s going to be texting you, Clare. What show do you think you signed up for? Can’t wait til next week when she goes to Stage 4 Clinger territory. Hope Juan Pablo doesn’t have a bunny at home, because if so, it’s headed straight for the stove.

Renee has got to stop being the hero every time someone has a mental break or else she's going to be hospitalized for exhaustion before the season ends. That, or ABC should put her on the pay roll.

Another sad Rose Ceremony, this time for Christy and Free Spirit. I had honestly forgotten Christy existed, but I’ll never forget her Forever 21 outfit and jewelry from Claire’s. And unfortunately for Lucy Free Spirit, there were no opportunities to get naked this week to show Juan Pablo what he could be missing.

I wasn't expected Lucy to leave this early, but now that she's gone the question remains...which lady is rubbing body parts with JP in the ocean???? Maybe we'll find out next week. See you all there.

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