DES WEEK 7: love is in the air

JA: This teaser promises another epic installment of Des’s Lackluster Search for Love. But it’s the last week before hometowns or, as one of the boys put it, “the most pivotal day of my life.” Oh, and Des just called this week pivotal also. That makes “pivotal” our drinking game word for this week. I was gonna make the drinking game word “family,” but I don’t wanna pass out.

Oh yay!!! Lesley, Catherine and Jackie from Sean’s season!!! Girl time!!! You know it’s bad when I’m thrilled to watch contestants from past seasons as a breath of fresh air, especially Lesley, whose cocktail NEVER LEFT HER HAND. Also how awkward was it when Catherine was like, “Sean says hi. And that he’s pulling for you”??? And then it turned into a terrible giggly episode of Sex and the City. Or worse yet, a televised Sex and the City viewing party.

SA: The convo about Sean was so awkward! Catherine tried to play it down by saying they both just wanted a best friend, but I feel like I could see the 'I still have no idea why he picked you over me' in Des's eyes.

I literally don’t have anything to say about the Brooks date, except that Madeira was the star. I forgot what they were saying as they were saying it. Brooks’s word salad about his family was completely unintelligible. Also that fireworks show was awfully well-timed, wasn’t it?

Awful how they were forced to jump into the air screaming, 'we're on cloud 9'. Also, does Brooks look bored? Uh-oh. She's running towards love and he's only jogging...I hope for poor Des this isn't a case of "I like you the most...because you like me the least."

Whose amazing boat are Chris and Des on? #ineedbetterfriends

And now with Chris they’re writing more bad poetry. Don’t they know the rule they established? If you’re gonna write stuff that sounds like Backstreet Boy lyrics, you’ve gotta do it in a foreign airport at 5am as your Ambien wears off. And then at dinner, another I Love You poem. I just hope this doesn’t end in another private concert somewhere. I will say, though, that they look more like a couple than any other permutation of Des + Boy.

Yes, Chris is my choice for Des. There was a great tweet that came in during the poetry session where some clever gal commenting that D&C should start carrying around rhyming dictionaries.

I also love the irony of Chris asking “Do you ever take boys home to meet your parents?” And she never even mentions Sean.

Why do we even pretend meeting her family is a big deal to Des? She left when she was 18, never sees her parents and pretty much hates her brother. This means your family is on the hot seat, C. Because this girl srsly needs a low drama destination for Xmas.

My favorite Michael moment: “when I kiss her I feel a flood of emotions.” And then he short-circuited and a few of his wires started sparking. I hate it when my robot needs rebooting. He is so going home. Also I feel like “sweet” is a kiss of death word. Anytime someone says that they might be falling for you, and you say “that’s so sweet,” it probably means you don’t feel similarly. Des also called him “protective,” which is definitely something you say about your older brother.

This dinner is so painfully boring. Michael can’t stop talking like he’s at a job interview. He just goes on and on and on. Also, if your heart is that fragile, why did you start dating a girl who has 24 other boyfriends?

Des looks like she wants to stab him with her fork just to make something happen. Also, she looks pained when he tries to kiss her. Oh god, if only she were allowed to vomit. Howev, she got herself into this mess by keeping this drip around so long.

Aww I love Drew and Zak’s bromantic code of honor on the two-on-one. I don’t know if I can deal with how metrosexual Drew is, though. Also, if I recall correctly, he’s from Scottsdale, which is too hot. Clearly, it’s very important to Des that her future husband be good at go-karts.

At least Zak did some memory art instead of a bad poem. He’s growing on me.

I think I’ve put my finger on what bothers me about Drew. He barely makes any eye contact while he says all these incredibly intimate and tender things like “I’m falling in love with you” and “I feel like I’ve known you my whole life.” He just stares at his shoes while he says them. Des’s body language says she likes Drew a little more than Zak, though, so he’s probably gonna get the rose.

At the beginning of this date she said she feels like she's hanging out with two guy friends, us too, D. I think Drew manages to weasel his way into hometowns by pulling out the 'mentally challenged sister card' because what decent girl is gonna follow that up with, 'Actually Drew - I don't want to meet your handicapped sister." Nicely played, Drew. I like Zak and think he'll sneek into hometowns, but sadly I fear he's not long for the show after that.

I’m fast forwarding through any and all Chris Harrison conversations. Fia, if you’d like to comment, feel free.

JOSH - you can't fast forward thru these. She just said she loved Brooks. Like in her weird marathon analogy she's finish line. FINISH LINE, Josh. But Brooks is still barely speed walking. Oh, brother.

This limo ride is a clear indication that Des dodged a Mama’s Boy bullet by sending Michael home just before hometowns.

Fav quote was from Michael's mom when she said - "here we go again..." Someone send this guy a mail order bride catalogue.